What is Openness, and Why Is It Important?
Have you ever stopped yourself from sharing your feelings because you didn’t want to seem weak or risk judgment? Maybe you were raised to believe that emotions should be kept private or that showing vulnerability means losing control. In many cultures, particularly those influenced by traditional or patriarchal values, vulnerability is often misunderstood as a weakness. Toxic masculinity reinforces this idea, especially for men, by discouraging emotional expression and labeling it as unmanly.
But what if being open is not a weakness but a strength? Brené Brown calls vulnerability the key to trust and connection. She says, “Vulnerability is not weakness—it’s courage.” And courage is something we all value.
When we suppress our emotions, we might feel stuck, lonely, or misunderstood, even by those closest to us. True connection comes when we allow ourselves to be honest—not just with others but with ourselves.
What Attachment Theory Teaches Us About Openness
John Bowlby’s attachment theory explains why openness is so powerful. As children, our caregivers’ responses to our needs taught us whether it was safe to express emotions. If we experienced love and consistency, we learned that being open was safe. This secure attachment allowed us to form healthy emotional bonds.
But in some families or cultures, expressing feelings is seen as shameful or dangerous. You might have been told to “man up” or “stop crying.” If caregivers were inconsistent or unresponsive, you may have learned to hold back to protect yourself. These experiences often shape patterns like:
• Anxious Attachment: A constant fear of being abandoned or needing frequent reassurance to feel secure.
• Avoidant Attachment: Avoiding closeness or shutting down emotionally to avoid rejection.
For many, these patterns are influenced by cultural or gendered expectations. In environments where emotional expression is seen as a flaw, it’s no wonder we learn to hide. If this resonates, know it’s possible to relearn how to be open in a way that feels safe and supported.
Healing Through Openness in Counseling
In therapy, being open can feel uncomfortable at first—especially if you’ve grown up believing that emotions should stay hidden or that showing vulnerability will make you seem weak. These fears are real, and they deserve compassion.
This is where Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) comes in. Based on Bowlby’s attachment theory, EFT provides a safe, nonjudgmental space for you to explore your emotions. It helps you rebuild trust with yourself and others by breaking down the walls you’ve built over time.
Here’s how being open can help:
• For Individuals: It allows you to understand your emotions, rebuild self-confidence, and challenge cultural or internalized beliefs that vulnerability is a flaw.
• For Couples: It fosters emotional reconnection, rebuilds trust, and improves communication, especially in navigating cultural or family expectations about roles and relationships.
• For Families: It helps heal past hurts and bridges generational or cultural gaps that discourage openness.
Taking the First Step
In cultures where “toughness” is celebrated and emotions are dismissed, it’s no surprise that being open can feel like a risk. Toxic masculinity reinforces this fear, especially for men, by telling them they should handle everything on their own. But this approach can leave people feeling isolated and overwhelmed.
Brené Brown reminds us, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, and connection.” It’s okay to feel scared—opening up doesn’t mean losing control; it means taking a courageous step toward healing.
Therapy offers a safe space to explore your emotions, challenge harmful beliefs, and take meaningful steps toward stronger, more fulfilling relationships.
If you’re ready to start that journey, I’m here to walk alongside you.
