A simple story about a mom, her Swiss rolls, and her husband’s reaction recently went viral online in China. At first glance, it’s just a story about dessert. But when we dig deeper, it reveals much more—it’s about fairness, respect, and how cultural values and emotional patterns shape family relationships. This story invites us to reflect on family roles, cultural expectations, and how these influence emotional connection in relationships.
From a feminist perspective, it highlights how gender roles in parenting and the invisible labor of caregiving often leave women feeling unseen and unappreciated. Through the lens of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), it uncovers emotional patterns, unmet needs, and the importance of addressing them in relationship counseling.
The Story: A Lesson in Family Dynamics
A mom buys 8 Swiss rolls for her family. Here’s how she divided them:
• The daughter ate 2,
• The son ate 2,
• The husband ate 2,
• And the mom saved the last 2 for herself, planning to enjoy them after the kids went to bed.
When her husband saw her eating them, he criticized her, saying she should’ve saved them for the kids. That one comment left the mom feeling small, like her needs didn’t matter at all.
This story isn’t just about Swiss rolls. It’s a reflection of family dynamics: how fairness is understood, how traditional gender roles are reinforced, and how the emotional needs of caregiving mothers are often ignored.
1. The Feminist Perspective: Moms Deserve More
From a feminist perspective, this story highlights how traditional gender roles create unequal emotional and physical labor in families. Mothers are often expected to:
• Sacrifice their needs: Society glorifies “selfless mothers” who always put their family first, leaving little room for personal fulfillment.
• Carry invisible labor: The mom in this story made sure everyone else got their share of dessert before she took hers, yet she was still criticized. This labor—both emotional and physical—goes unnoticed in many families.
• Navigate cultural expectations: Many collectivist cultures reinforce the idea that moms must prioritize their family’s success and harmony above all else, often at great personal cost.
The husband’s criticism reflects these cultural and gendered assumptions, showing how invisible labor and emotional burdens are often placed on mothers without recognition.
2. Recognizing Emotional Patterns in Family Counseling
In Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we look beyond surface behaviors to understand the emotional patterns driving interactions. The husband’s criticism in this story may reflect deeper dynamics, such as:
• Unmet needs: The mom might feel unseen and unappreciated not just in this moment but in her broader family role.
• Disconnection: Criticism can signal emotional disconnection between partners, where deeper stress or feelings remain unspoken.
• Resentment and burnout: When one partner consistently sacrifices their needs, resentment and emotional distance often follow.
Counseling provides a space to explore these patterns, rebuild emotional connection, and foster empathy within the family system.
3. Why Culturally Sensitive Counseling Matters
Cultural values deeply shape family roles, emotional expression, and expectations. In many collectivist cultures, personal sacrifice for the family is seen as virtuous. This often makes it harder for individuals, especially moms, to express their needs or prioritize their well-being.
A culturally sensitive counseling approach honors these values while encouraging families to create balance and healthier communication. Therapy doesn’t ask clients to reject their cultural traditions but helps them adapt patterns that better serve their emotional health.
For example, in collectivist cultures, maintaining family harmony often takes precedence over individual needs. Therapy can help clients navigate these expectations while finding ways to prioritize their well-being. A mom like the one in this story might explore how to feel more appreciated without compromising her role as a caregiver.
By acknowledging cultural influences, therapy becomes a space where families can honor their traditions while embracing change that supports emotional and relational health.
Conclusion: Counseling as a Path to Connection
The Swiss roll story isn’t really about dessert—it’s about fairness, respect, and the emotional patterns that shape family life. It reminds us that small moments, like sharing a dessert, often reflect much larger dynamics, such as family roles, unmet needs, and cultural expectations.
Through Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), counseling helps families and couples uncover these patterns, repair emotional disconnection, and build relationships rooted in empathy and respect. It’s not about blaming or fixing anyone; it’s about recognizing the emotional needs we all carry and finding ways to meet them.
If you’ve ever felt unseen, disconnected, or trapped in repetitive family patterns, counseling can provide a safe space to explore these feelings. It’s a chance to honor your family’s strengths while breaking free from dynamics that no longer serve you. Change starts with small actions—like sharing a Swiss roll—and grows into something bigger: healthier, more connected relationships.
